Lin Guozhu, 63, with his wife, Gu Xiazhen, was expressing his feelings as the couple were still engulfed in grief following their only son's tragic death in Germany.

The couple, who live in Yangpu District, were informed by local police on September 8 last year that their son, Lin Liping, 29, had committed suicide by lying on railway tracks in Stuttgart on September 4.

Their son was studying for his master's degree at a university in Fulda.

Heart-breaking news

The news came like a bolt from the blue and dealt a devastating blow to the couple.

Lin Guozhu and Gu are both retired workers whose combined income is only 1,400 yuan ($169) per month.

Moreover, Gu is afflicted with chronic illnesses which are a steady drain on their limited income.

They professed that, in their old age, their son had been their greatest pride and solace.

The following day, they were told by Guo Shengying, second secretary at the Education Division of the Chinese Embassy in Germany, that as the body had been mutilated beyond recognition by the train, the local German authorities wanted to have the body cremated within a couple of days.

But the couple insisted on making a visit to Germany to have a last look at their son, hoping to establish why their son should commit suicide when he had acquitted himself so well in both studies and work.

On September 15, the couple flew to Germany.

After landing at Frankfurt airport, they were rushed, with the help of embassy personnel, onto a train bound for Stuttgart.

They were put up for the night in a dormitory at Stuttgart University.

Last goodbyes

The next day, they went to a local funeral parlour where they saw the body of their son.

They were allowed to see their son only on condition that they first signed a document to give their consent to the cremation. Reluctantly the couple agreed.

"Before we entered the room where the body was kept, we were told by the staff of the parlour that under no circumstances could we take off the shroud of the body," said Lin.

Afterwards, they tried in vain during their short stay in Germany to contact local police for more information regarding the death of their son. They could not accept the explanation their son had committed suicide.

No reason for suicide

For one thing Lin Liping was one of the best students in his class and had already earned enough credits at the university in Fulda for graduation which was expected to occur in November last year.

As a matter of fact, at the time of his death he was already working for Mitropa AG, Deutsche Bahn Gruppe, which had agreed to employ him formally on his graduation.

The day before the accident, while working for Mitropa AG, he was reportedly in good humour, talking and laughing with his fellow workers.

The Lins also said that before his death on September 4, their son had drawn 400 deutsch marks from a bank, but the money was not found on him after his death.

They suspect Lin Liping might have been murdered after a robbery.

But the truth may never come out. The police were evading them and, while many seemed to be sympathetic with them, rendered little practical help.

In their disappointment, the couple returned home on September 26.

Gu later suffered a heart attack and was most of the time confined to bed in their first-floor residence in Yangpu District.

Gu has grown 100 pots of Chlorophytum comosum, a kind of green vine, in their bedroom/drawing-room.

She said that when spring came she would move the pots to her son's mourning hall in an adjacent room.

They had incurred over 70,000 yuan ($8,400) in debts to support their son studying in Germany.

They have contacted several law firms about investigating their suspicions further, but were awed by the huge expenditure involved.

Their only hope now lies in some kind of social organization hearing of their terrible plight and being moved to help them.