I am not a fan of Michael Jackson¡¯s music, but I paid attention to his recent trial. I trust that the jury made a correct decision in acquitting him of the accusations against him. I believe the explanation for Michael Jackson¡¯s unusual lifestyle is a reaction against the childhood physical abuse he testified to receiving from his father.

I was recently asked by a girl who had received mistreatment from her alcoholic father: ¡°Can a man like my father ever change?¡± My answer to her was: ¡°I know men like your father who have changed, but we can¡¯t change anyone else, we can only change ourselves.¡±

I was referring to my friend Mel. He was my boss for five college summers I spent working fighting forest fires. I heard from other firefighters what had happened to him. They told me that ¡°Mel used to be the most drinking, dirty mouthed man in existence¡±. But when they came back one summer everything about Mel had changed. Mel¡¯s wife left him for another man. This really shook Mel up and caused him to ask himself if his life was going in the right direction. The result was a 180 degree turn in the direction of his life during the nine months when the summer firefighting crew was gone. The fire crew joked about the change by calling him ¡°Jesus-Freak Mel¡±.

Mel is very sorry that his drinking broke up his family. When I visited him a few years ago I met his daughter and saw the good relationship she now has with her changed dad. Miracles can happen and people can change.

Unfortunately we can¡¯t make people change. One Christmas I visited a good college friend and was shocked to see for the first time what her life was like living with an alcoholic dad. I keep in touch with this friend and 20 years later her father is still an alcoholic. She shared with me that what really helped her heart to heal was when she decided to forgive her father for his mistreatment of her. It helped her to realize that she could both love her father and hate his alcoholism.

Growing up with an alcoholic father causes one to receive deeply inflicted wounds to the heart. However, even such a deep injury can be healed. The path to healing is a difficult road however, and may leave emotional scars such as clinical depression. My friend told me she is blessed to have a loving and understanding husband. He does not scold her when she gets depressed but rather gives her his understanding support.

I do not condone letting others abuse us. Forgiving them does not mean allowing ourselves to be continually injured. Sometimes escapes need to be made to avoid a continually abusive situation. The bitterness that abuse leaves in the heart is also another kind of injury. It may not seem fair to let the wrongdoer off the hook, but unless we forgive them, the worst abuse will be the bitterness that will poison our hearts.