“You come, they go; You go, they come...’’

I spoke with the Shanghai City Street-hawker Control officers yesterday, when they had, again momentarily, cleared the badly obstructed sidewalks of a legion of street hawkers peddling wallets and wasps?eggs, hairpins and hairy crabs, porcelain pots and pears, crayfish and cockles and anything in between.

To be frank, l am not at all that averse to a happy melee of street hawkers lining the pavements offering a variety of bargains, outlandish oddities and strange smelling foods; they add atmosphere to what otherwise would be stark city walls and unfriendly, wide pavements.

And I really do not begrudge some migrant farmer from the poorer provinces starting their way to tycoonship from the sidewalk either.

They are digging their own commercial grave, however, by inconsiderately parking their carts and display blankets in a way that leaves hardly any space for the walking public and, more particularly, moi.

The problem has become especially acute since the Shanghai city government has, on not a few streets straddling high-speed traffic arteries, welcomed bicycles, motor-bikes, and ditto-trikes onto the sidewalk, where all are fighting for a way forward and at war with the peripatetic public at large.

The fight gets particularly fierce when dodging the merchandise becomes a daring acrobatic act of great achievement in the remaining thoroughfare of a mere 50 centimetres between opposing street hawkers lining both sides of the trottoir.

In my doomed from the beginning attempt to knock some sense into the hawkers brains, I kindly informed them that if they were clever, they would leave a wide swathe of space clear for all that moves and thus run less chance of the Hawker Police being called by inconvenienced commuters.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry?is the polite answer, invariably, and they obligingly retreat a metre or two.

Sadly, on my return, half an hour later, they have relocated into the very same encroaching positions in the silly belief that their one metre closer proximity to their mobile market will entice more yuan from the pockets of that hesitant buyer into theirs.

So, what is to be done?

Lessons could be learnt from the Singapore Government who usually have a super way of solving these pesky problems in a gradual but firm and determined manner.

Solution one:

First, post notices at places where the biggest nuisances occur, advising street hawkers that their merchandise, crabby hares and hairy crabs and food will be confiscated and auctioned off; that the offenders will be fined and re-offenders imprisoned.

A telephone number should be appended to the notice for the public to assist with complaints about hawkers re-appearing.

Of course, that well crafted notice will be defaced and the telephone number of the complain-line scratched out, so the notice should be replaced as soon as it becomes illegible.

After a period of grace and mock chasings, some of the worst habitual offenders should actually be apprehended in a spectacular manner, replete with the rattling of sabers and beating of drums, frightening off the rest of the hawking fraternity.

Then, such places should be policed 24 hours a day by unbribable officers for maybe a few weeks to ensure there are no re-offenders.

Then periodic re-inspections every few days, till death do us part......

Solution two:

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em:

Mark out with painted stripes on the pavement, boxes where the street hawkers may stand, leaving plenty of space for pedestrians and pedicabs alike to pass with relative comfort and rent out those spaces on a daily basis.

In this way, the wages of the hawker police can be paid; perhaps even a profit be made.

As a bonus, some character will return to some of Shanghai’s duller street scenes with hawkers peddling their products in a relaxed manner and all this without them having to post sentries at strategic positions, giving them an early warning as to when to bolt.

And the public in general and I, can pass with relative comfort.

Will the shop owners next door, paying exorbitant rents be happy though?

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