Most old China hands and a few others, know that TCM stands for Traditional Chinese Medicine. Some old China hands are indeed a little sceptical about the miracle cures trumpeted especially when you read claims made for TCM in an advertising blurb that a single bottle or powder or capsule is the cure-all "par excellence" for such hardy diseases as herpes simplex and AIDS and Hepatitis A, B and C and Alzheimers and is also an effective contraceptive.

Well, there is no doubt in my mind that some TCMs contain ingredients that may be miracle cures for some rather nasty ailments but where to begin the absolutely mandatory scientific testing with thousands of human guinea pigs with placebo-administered control groups, from the literally tens of thousands of TCM potions.

Anyway, whether one believes in TCM or not, zillions of students decide every year to major in TCM, convinced that this particular trade will bring them the millions if not eternal happiness.

In Shanghai, the TCM school of higher learning not so long ago, shifted into a brand-new building in Pudong, equipped with the latest scientific labs, replete with formalized and partly dissected dead bodies, albeit the worse for wear, for the students to ogle at and many other items weird and wonderful.

While there is nothing intrinsically wrong about new university buildings for, say, the sciences and engineering competing with the most modern in the world, one would have expected that a new TCM University building would, well, look traditional Chinese.

Like: arched green glazed tiled roofs, replete with all animals of the Chinese zodiac on the roof ridges, circular entrance ways, massive oak doors with riveted-on steel hinges, lots of red everywhere and looking like a cross between the buildings in the Summer Palace and the Temple of Heaven in Beijing.

Of course, behind that traditional facade, hyper modern facilities could happily co-exist. Sorry, not for the new TCM Uni in Shanghai.

The powers that were, apparently, engaged a top-notch US architect to design the buildings and, voila: a structure, comprising a mixture of perforated steel external beams and glass that would make any university in the US proud.

As to the aesthetics of this glass and steel edifice for a TCM College, I would give it a big fat zero.

I was invited to comment on the building and, frankly, I could cry.

Forgetting just for one moment the cardinal sin committed with the out-of-character space-age design of the building, the facilities themselves are really very super. Lecture theatres and labs are all first-class, as are the dorms for the students, of which a not inconsiderable number come from other Asian countries and, indeed, the West.

The library building is not only expansive; there is a cozy little cafe on the ground floor that Starbucks would be proud to own. Except, for the brew they served, that is.

As the coffee hour was upon us, I was cordially invited to enjoy a cuppa and, my being a bit of a coffee aficionado, I appreciatively accepted.

After my face had recovered from the first and nary mortally bitter sip, I had to ask my host whether or not this brew was perhaps Traditional Chinese Medicine as it certainly tasted that way. Never previously having the misfortune to quaff such a vile brew it was incumbent upon me to enquire as to when this "coffee", for want of a better name, had actually been brewed.

The bar attendant lady hesitated not for one second and cheerfully confided that her brew had been stewing for three hours. Yuck.!

So I told her that in the interest of all those guests that were to be served after me, I had to quickly give her some essential, yet absolutely free coffee-brewing lessons and that rule one was that coffee must be freshly brewed for every new cup and that any coffee left in the machine that is older than five minutes better be committed to the drains.

Next on my tour of inspection was a viewing of the TCM collection of preserved specimens like hearts, livers, unborn babies and the like, all bottled up and bathing in formalin or alcohol. Sadly, many of these specimens were so aged and crappy that they seemed to have come from Noah's Ark and it may well be a good idea for the TCM Uni specimen boffins to learn a thing or two from their Canberra counterparts for there is extant the most remarkable, extensive and beautifully preserved collection of human body part specimens that I have ever seen under one roof.

Upon my departure, I cast a glance over my shoulder at the New TCM College building and, between sobs, confirmed my verdict to my host: right building, wrong application.

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