Although Ma Jiajue, the suspect in the killings of four students at Yunnan University, hasn't been convicted of murder, his parents seem already to have been sentenced to feeling guilty for life.

According to the latest report, Ma's parents, together with his sister and grandmother, visited one of the families of the four victims to ask for forgiveness for Ma. Influenced by their feelings of fury, the victim's parents refused permission for the Ma's to enter their house. So the Ma's remained kneeling for more than an hour in the rain in front of the house, begging the murdered student's parents to forgive Ma.

In the end, moved by the perseverance and sincerity of Ma's relatives, the victim's parents agreed to talk to them. However, they didn't forgive Ma in spite of his parents' begging.

Regardless of my huge sympathy for Ma's parents, I am afraid that I would support the decision of the victim's parents. But I have different reasons. In the case of the victim's anguished parents, the reason they would not accept the apology was mainly the painful loss of their son. My point, however, is that Ma's parents were not in a position to ask for forgiveness for their son.

On the one hand, it was not within the capacity of Ma's parents to beg forgiveness in place of Ma, even at the expense of their dignity. Ma has independent thoughts and actions far beyond his parents' control.

In China, even if children are grown-ups, many parents tend to assume every responsibility for them. Nevertheless, that is just wishful thinking by loving parents. Parents give children life but they cannot live it for them; parents can give directions, but they cannot always be there to lead their children; parents can allow children freedom but cannot be held accountable for it.

As a result, it is Ma, rather than his parents, who should ask for forgiveness. Just as Ma's parents cannot be punished for Ma's deeds, they cannot take Ma's place to ask for forgiveness.

On the other hand, there is no obligation on Ma's parents to ask for forgiveness for Ma. As an adult, Ma should take full responsibility for his deeds.

Perhaps Ma's parents' actions arose from a feeling of guilt over having failed to teach their son to behave himself. In China, there is a traditional saying that it is the father's fault if the son is not well-taught. But there are many factors that may have influenced Ma's development other than his parents.

Even though Ma's family background might be a contributing factor, it is unlikely to the root of the crime. As a matter of fact, there seems to be no rule suggesting what sort of family environment is most likely to produce a killer. And even Ma's parents do not have any better understanding of why these things happened than anyone else. As the first in his family to progress to higher education, Ma used to be the pride of his household. What is more, external influences can never be an excuse for a person to commit a crime.

Perhaps Ma's parents were driven by the pressure created by unceasing questions from the media which spread suspicion and alienation among people in the parents' neighbourhood. In our society, once a person has done something wrong, it is common for people to paint the whole family with the same brush.

In this sense, there might be a need for most of us to start from the standpoint of Ma's parents. Indeed, they are the ones who will suffer the most because they almost feel unable to grieve because of the enormous guilt they feel about what Ma has done.

In summary, although it is particularly hard for the anguished parents of the victims to be understanding towards Ma's parents, it is necessary for the rest of us to put an arm around them.

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