Much has been written on the subject of taxi drivers in these pages recently, so I wanted to share my own experiences.

To be a taxi driver in a major city, it seems that you must be unable to drive like a sane human being. In London, "cabbies" are famous for sharing their political views - endlessly and unasked. In New York, drivers know the city less well than you, the tourist, do. In Hong Kong, taxi drivers are glued to their seats, unable and unwilling to get out and assist their passengers. Here in Shanghai, it seems that the taxi driver's particular quirk is to scare their passengers witless.

Having been away from Shanghai for a few weeks, I had forgotten some of the basic principles for survival in a taxi:

1) Never get in the front of the taxi. Always travel in the back - you can at least hide behind the front seat when it becomes too frightening, or alternatively you can chew on the front seat in your nervousness.

2) Next time you fly anywhere, be sure to pay attention to the safety demonstration. The "brace position" usually associated with aircraft crash landings can usefully be adapted for travel in a Shanghai taxi. Placing both feet firmly on the seat in front can stop you from being catapulted through the windscreen, when the driver finally realizes that the red lights fast approaching mean that the car in front is not, in fact, moving.

3) Even if he says he knows where you want to go, the odds are that the driver does not. Tell-tale signs include your driver calling six people in quick succession to ask directions or wrestling with a map (whilst overtaking). You can, of course, object to either of these behaviours, if you are not too petrified to speak, or you are not pinned to the seat because of the gravitational force of the taxi's sheer speed.

4) If there is a space the same size as the taxi between two cars, the driver will accelerate into it at 100kph, because if he doesn't, someone else will, right?

5) A short blast on the horn means: "Look out, I'm coming through.". A long blast on the horn means: "I'm not stopping, so if you don't get out of the way, you will shortly become an ornament on the front of my car." At this point, the passenger should adopt the "brace position" outlined above.

There are, of course, exceptions - that is, good, safe, courteous drivers. Unfortunately, though, they seem to be just that - exceptions. Generally, Shanghai taxi drivers drive as if they are practicing for the forthcoming Grand Prix. And it's not just Shanghai, either. I had a broadly similar experience on a recent trip to Guangxi Province, with some added spice - marauding water buffalo galloping onto the road.

It's worth remembering next time you are cowering in the back seat of a taxi, fearing for your life. At least there are no water buffalo in Shanghai.

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